Sunday, January 29, 2012

Somedays, I really hate myself.

Yesterday my BFF, her family and I went to the My Time Women's Show.  It was a COLOSSAL waste of time.  We went last year.  We got some samples and signed up for every drawing.  It wasn't bad.  This year there were so many people that it was impossible to see anything.  I pushed my way through crowds for a few hours before we had lunch, I spent WAY too much on prescriptions and I came home.

That's when the headache and upset stomach started.  Why is this important?  Because everything started right before I was getting ready for a party.  A party I had been looking forward too all week.  I sat there, trying to decide if this now migraine was going to leave me enough energy to enjoy the party.  I decided that it wasn't and texted the hosts to tell the I was staying home.  I got a wonderful call, informing me that they had meds and they really were looking forward to seeing us.  But I was already comfy in my jammies and about to sleep off the headache.

I woke up at midnight with a realization.  The headache, stomachache and everything else was probably caused by my over-exposure to the crowds at the show earlier.  Basically it was all in my head.  My own issues with social anxiety sabotaged my good time. I did it to myself.  That thought nearly made me sick.  Yet again I let the demons win.  Other people are getting over themselves, why can't I?  And to make me feel even more disgusted with myself, apparently the party was a blast.


persephone said...

Don't be too hard on yourself - you are only human, after all! But yes, I understand the self-sabotage....I do it to myself ALL the damn time. I hope you are feeling better today.

Aaron D'Angelo said...

And we love you and will have more parties, and see you soon! Come over anytime!

Meari said...

Thanks Aaron and Amy.

Miss you Aaron! It has been decided that I'm coming out next time, no matter how much I might want to not to. Because I always regret not going.