Wednesday, March 30, 2011

It's days like this that I feel like an adult, and a child.

I'm home from work today, with a spectacular migraine. It's given me much time to think.

The other day, I was online window shopping for dishes. I got this urge to have a set of dishes that match. It's funny. I didn't care when I was married, but now I want things like that. I want a home that looks put together, and not cobbled together from thrift store finds.

When I was married, I desperately didn't want to be an adult. I did all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, bill paying, grocery shopping. Everything. I didn't care that my dishes matched, or my towels matched. I wanted to not be responsible for everything. All of this, on top of a teaching job.

Now I'm here with the Spousal Equivalent. We share the responsibilities. I do most of the cooking, but he'll grocery shop. He helps me with the cleaning, laundry, bill paying. He also asks if I need help, the Ex just assumed it would all be taken care of.

I'm settled now, and ready to be adult. I have a job again. Now I am decluttering the apartment. I'm sorting through the detritus of my old life, seeing what is important and what I've moved on from.

I now want the matched dishes. I'm ready to be adult.

(Except for today. I'm home sick and want to be 5 and have someone make me dinner and bring me ice cream.)

Sunday, March 27, 2011

God bless the Nerds, for someday they will be your boss.

It was a lay sermon about religion and Science Fiction that made me decide to join the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of the Peninsula. I was amazed. Religion and Sci-Fi/Fantasy colliding? Sign me up.

Geeks and Nerds have been at odds with religion for ages. Besides the illogical nature, and lack of scientific evidence, religious people have condemned classic nerd and geek pursuits. Remember the uproar over Dungeons and Dragons? I always wondered what all the fuss was about. It was ABOUT killing evil things! (And in my opinion, most religions view God as a sort of GameMaster.) They condemn role playing in general. For a very long time, if it weren't for Role Playing I wouldn't have a social life.

And now, it's cold and rainy. I feel a Firefly marathon coming on.

May the Force be with you all.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Amazing Grace, or Sorry, it's a long one.

Amazing Grace, or Sorry, it's a long one.

When I was young, I went to church on Sunday mornings with my mother. My father was raised Catholic. He went to catholic school, and declared himself done when he graduated.

One cold morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. "Why do we have to go? Can't I just pray here?" I asked. "You have to go to church so God can hear you pray," my mother answered. "Then why do I pray before bed?" There was no answer to that.

Years later, I learned that I was born on the Catholic feast of the Immaculate Conception. But the conception that was immaculate wasn't Jesus's. It was Mary's. I looked and looked in the bible for where it said it. It's not written in the bible. It was something that we just all know to be true, I was informed. Well, up until that point I knew that the Easter Bunny and Santa were real... maybe that's not real either. And while we were at it, what does the Easter Bunny have to do with Jesus?

There wasn't an answer for that either.

I have been questioning religion for years, much to the frustration of my mother. The religion that I was being taught in church and Sunday School, the religion that I was teaching the young children in Sunday School, wasn't making sense. (I remember feeling like River Tam in that episode of Firefly, trying to fix the Bible).

High school hit, and with it the AIDS epidemic. I was politely informed that being Gay was being against God. I asked why, citing that as long as you weren't breaking a commandment, God shouldn't care. Frustrated Christians sent me to Leviticus to look up the passage. I'd ask them, why aren't you following all of these other rules? Why are you picking and choosing? I would rarely get an answer.

In college I began to study these matters of faith. I talked to people, took religious studies classes, and used the internet. I realized that the Bible, is both an anthology and a translation of a translation of a translation. I learned that Mary didn’t name him Jesus. His name was Yeshua. Jesus is the Greek translation.

The more I read, the less things made sense. How can anyone believe this? It’s illogical! Things are historically incorrect, and when pointed out, the historical facts are ignored! (Just try to tell some people that Jesus was born, and died, a Jew. He wanted reform!! And he was all about the whole not killing thing. Did the Crusaders just forget that?)

After this revelation, I began to study religion. I wanted to know why people believed what they believed. Religion, and the culture associated with it is fascinating!! My bother shared this interest. He and his college roommates went so far as to invite Jehovah Witnesses and Mormons in when they came calling. Reportedly, they can counter most bible verses, with other bible verses that contradict. Men after my own heart.

I married a man who was a devout atheist. Then I found the Unitarian Universalist church, which the Ex was rather upset about. They wanted you to question! They couldn’t give answers, or make sense of the inconsistencies, but they also didn’t mind me compiling my own theories of faith from all that I have learned. In fact, they encourage it.

And here is what I have learned: I believe in a Higher Power. I also believe that ALL religions believe in the same higher power. Same window, different drapes if you will. I believe that Jesus did exist. That he had a wonderful message (as Eddie Izzard says: “Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area, in the Nelson Mandela-type area, you know, relaxed and groovy…”). My main belief is that if you follow the Golden Rule (and most major religions on Earth have this rule) life will have a whole lot less conflict.

So now here I am. I believe in the inherent worth and dignity of every person (something the ex didn’t, no wonder we’re not together). I’ve found a place to belong.

Monday, March 21, 2011


We all feel helpless about what's going on in Japan. We feel helpless about the uprisings in the Middle East.

I feel helpless about my friend.

She's bright, and smart, a talented performer.

And she's killing herself. Slowly. She's starving herself, throwing up all she eats. She's not even out of High School.

She has a goal weight. Unfortunately "winning" that game might kill her.

I wish she loved herself half as much as we all love her.

My last nerve, or Special Snowflakes go home!

(I've been reading poetry, forgive the title)

I think that in many ways, people are like buckets. No, stick with me... this will make sense.

Positive experiences and interactions fill us up (no inserting dirty jokes here, minds out of the gutter!). Negative experiences empty our buckets.

PMS had sprung a serious hole in my bucket sometime around last Tuesday.
  • By Thursday I was rather empty.
  • Friday, as my Facebook can attest to, was rather trying. the Stupid... how it burns!
  • Saturday, we went to a party, and had to leave early due to in ill-timed asthma attack.
  • Sunday, I had to sing at church. Two services worth. Then we went to clean my junk out of my friend's garage. (remnants of my marriage, not easy stuff to deal with)
It was then, at Subway, that I truly hit empty. The bottom had fallen off my bucket. I didn't have it in me to talk to the lady at the counter and order. We went home and I cried for a while, which helped.

Now it's Monday, and my bucket has a patched bottom, and is half full.

How will you fill someone's bucket today?

Friday, March 18, 2011

Ups and downs

It's been a trying few days.

Yesterday, I treated myself to a pound of good, flavored coffee. Then beat myself up with guilt for spending the extra money. I had personal, inner drama because of church (It's a LONG story).

And today, it's the a parade of special snow flakes that can't read and follow directions.

THis weekend is shaping up to be just as hectic, which I'm not a fan of. I perfer at least one of the days in the weekend to be un-booked. It's not happening.

I need a bubble bath and a massage. And to not cause drama for myself.

Because I firmly beleive that 99% of my problems are all in my head.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

GleeCap: Original Song

First, I squealed so loudly when Blaine kissed Kurt that the dog barked at me.

Second: Loser like me. LOVED it.

Third: Sue... writers, what are you thinking? I miss my old Sue!

Fourth: I really like Rachel in this episode. It showed her humanity. She wasn't the one dimensional bitch like she's portrayed most weeks.

And now to watch it again.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I ran into an old co-worker this morning. I told her that 2011 is my year: I have a wonderful relationship, a roof over my head, and a job. Life is pretty good.

Unfortunately, the rest of the world isn't. With the unrest in the middle east, marriage inequality in the US, widespread bullying in schools, and chaos in Japan... how can I be happy?

I know! It's illogical!

At this point, I'm going to keep on enjoying my 2011. And when the pressure of the world gets to be too big, I'll hug my puppy (who will lick my face), and be thankful for everything I have.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Spring Cleaning!

Next weekend signals the beginning of spring. I know my church is busily getting people to be more green, and more socially aware. I'm all for that, but I'm starting with me.

There's a method to my madness! Getting rid of the junk in my apartment, and cleaning will make it more green (it worked in my head!)

I figure that if I can get my house nice and clean and decluttered, I can start working on unplugging things, and reducing my energy usage.

I spend Sunday mornings with such *good* people. I need to work to make myself a good person. And I'm starting that.. well.. this afternoon (stupid migraine kept me from working out today).

If I can do it, I get a margarita this weekend as a treat!

Saturday, March 12, 2011


I looked around the apartment today. Wow, I have a lot of *stuff*. My goal this week is to toss out 10 things a day. My ultimate goal is to make it easier to move someday!

And, strange as it is, the idea came to be today while watching The Ramen Girl. (That, and a craving for Ramen). I don't know if it's true in real life, but movies always depict these Japanese apartments that are small, and sparse. Heck, it looks like the contents would fit in my Sentra!

That's my goal. Uncluttered. and able to move using mainly my Sentra.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Cleaning house

In my opinion, cleaning house is more than just vacuuming and dusting. It's getting yourself in order, mind and body.

After a totally exhausting weekend, my house needs some serious spring cleaning. I just added some needed chores to my to-do list. I need to get back pre-planning healthy, balanced meals. (and recording them in SparkPeople).

I can do this. I HAVE to do this.

GleeCap: Sexy!

Needless to say, if you haven't seen it yet, come back and read this later.

Now that we have that out of the way...

I was disappointed by last week's episode, but this week redeemed itself. As always, the Glee characters are a bit overblown and over the top. This week many of the characters are shown to be completely ignorant about sex. Brittany thought she was pregnant, because a stork was building a nest in her yard. And we all know about Finn, thinking that making out in the hot tub can lead to pregnancy (Love that kid, but he's not the sharpest tack in the box).

Like teenage drinking from the last episode, this week Glee also tackled a subject that there is no solution to. Statistics prove that kids have sex. They prove that abstinence-only education doesn't work. So what do we do? Holly Holiday's solution is arming kids with as much information as possible. (I loved how she gave Lauren and Puck a thumbs up on their sex tape idea, before informing them that they'd be arrested for kiddie porn).

The two highlights of the week were Burt Hummel and Santana.

Kurt is completely uncomfortable with sex and sexuality (though he's REAL good with his sexual orientation). Thanks to Blaine clueing Burt in, the two have the talk. And it's the type of talk ALL kids need to have. Not just the mechanics (he had pamphlets for that), but the emotional consequences of being intimate. I heart him!!!

And that brings me to Santana. We all knew it. She loves Brittany!! She's loves another woman and is too scared of how the world will take it to express that love. It broke my heart when Brittany chose Artie over her. I cried. I really did.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Monday Monday...

This weekend was entirely too full. I spent most of it at a conference, and reached (and exceeded) my personal tolerance for human interaction. I'm feeling a little crispy! Thank goodness it's spring break here at work. The students are experiencing sand and surf and leaving me alone!

We look around the apartment last night and sighed. Yeah, there needs to be serious cleaning this week. The fact that the dishwasher isn't liking to use water ins't helping this one bit. Not only are said dishes dirty, now they are moldy. Eewww!

On top of that all, I left my nice travel mug of coffee at home.

Oh well, upwards and onwards!