I'm home from work today, with a spectacular migraine. It's given me much time to think.
The other day, I was online window shopping for dishes. I got this urge to have a set of dishes that match. It's funny. I didn't care when I was married, but now I want things like that. I want a home that looks put together, and not cobbled together from thrift store finds.
When I was married, I desperately didn't want to be an adult. I did all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, bill paying, grocery shopping. Everything. I didn't care that my dishes matched, or my towels matched. I wanted to not be responsible for everything. All of this, on top of a teaching job.
Now I'm here with the Spousal Equivalent. We share the responsibilities. I do most of the cooking, but he'll grocery shop. He helps me with the cleaning, laundry, bill paying. He also asks if I need help, the Ex just assumed it would all be taken care of.
I'm settled now, and ready to be adult. I have a job again. Now I am decluttering the apartment. I'm sorting through the detritus of my old life, seeing what is important and what I've moved on from.
I now want the matched dishes. I'm ready to be adult.
(Except for today. I'm home sick and want to be 5 and have someone make me dinner and bring me ice cream.)