Tuesday, June 15, 2021

I'm in my feels today

 Ever have one of those days where you just feel like a stain on the ass of humanity?

I'm having it today!

I was getting ready for work today and had that thought of:  "What is my purpose?  What value to society do I bring?"  I'm staunchly childfree, so my societal purpose of having children isn't going to happen.  I'm going to be paying back student loans until I die, so I'm not even successful in that aspect.

I had a rehearsal yesterday for a July recital.  There I was, standing next to a tall, thin, pitch perfect 20-something.  I'm short, fat and have the voice of a strangled goose.  I had issues getting anything right at all that day.  I left that rehearsal so frustrated that I cried on the way home.

I've gained weight over the pandemic that I'm struggling to lose.  Combine that with the worst case of tennis elbow ever, it means that working out has been sporadic.

I'll be 47 this year.

And today I'm trying to figure out what good I've done in this life.  Do I contribute to society?  Am I just a useless waste of space.

Today I feel old, fat and a waste of space.

Tomorrow most likely will be better!

Besides, I have a post-pandemic race to train for!