Friday, September 18, 2015

The spiritual crisis.... again....

I went to choir last night.  This should not be a radical move.  But it was the beginning of the end.

It all started when the choir director mentioned something about choreography with the song for Sunday.  I started saying No.. no no no no.  I could feel the panic rising.

About 20 minutes later, I mentioned that practicing this might be difficult, given that the sanctuary was set up with tables for a dinner.  The Religious Education Director, who set up the tables, got upset and left.  Great.... she's upset with me.

On the way home I chatted with my carpool buddy about this, and our own spiritual paths.

I realized

  • that many of the problems in my last spiritual crisis are not resolved
  • I'm about as deep as a puddle
  • with push comes to shove, I prefer things of the religious nature to be done alone.
  • that the 3 calls and emails about my church absence give me the INTENSE desire to not go back.  basically it's having the opposite effect.
I'm not awfully surprised about the being a deep as a puddle.  I get my spiritual inspirations from movies for crissakes!  How deep can I be?!?

I'm also not surprised about the being alone thing.  I've always been a "back of the church" person.  You know, the people that want to get in, worship, and get out.  I was a solitary when I tried the pagan thing.  I know that church should be all about the beloved community.  I get that.  I respect it.  I endorse it.  But I don't know if that's for me.

I still believe in everything that Unitarian Universalism stands for.  I admire the environmental crusading and the social justice.  I admire the community they foster.  I also know that the crusading and social-justice-ing are too much for me to do.  I also am not 100% comfortable in the community.

I guess I have some soul searching to do.

or it could be PMS....

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