Saturday, February 11, 2017

Sadly, life still has to go on.

I walked into work on Friday and came face to face with her closed door.  She'll never be in there to share a laugh with me again.

Every time her name pops up on work related materials, my heart hurts a little.

We packed up her office.  Well, I should say that an AMAZING student packed up most of it.  I needed to separate the work paperwork from her personal paperwork.  It was an unfortunate necessity.  With the contents of her office in boxes, it makes things a little easier to handle.  We're going to move the desk around.  That should help me not want to cry every time I look into the room.

Various campus offices have been working behind the scenes to transfer her point of contact information to me.  Every time that happens, I have to hold back tears.

We've planned a memorial.  Obituaries are being written.  I found my black dress.

But do you know the biggest thing that I did?  I signed up for a pile of races.  Many of these are the races that she and I did!

Run the D.O.G.
Christmas Town Dash 8K

(She's the one on the right)

Anyone want to run with me?  (Or walk with me?)

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Heaven just gained another Angel

I started working at the College in 2011.  I was working with a wonderful faculty, amazing graduate students.  One of the best parts was my coworker Gail.

We ran races together.  We saw Marvel Movies together.

And in 2012 we was diagnosed with cancer.

She had chemo off and on since then.  Some times were good.  Some times were not so good.  When times were not so good I did a little extra work in the office.

Last night her battle ended.

I'm heartbroken.  But she's no longer suffering.

All that is left is to find a way to say goodbye.  And to try to make sense of the work in the office that is left.  I don't even know where to begin with that task.  Thankfully I have a ton of support from the Dean's office and other admins on campus.

Eventually, everything will be OK again.  But today I'm not OK.  And it's going to take some time before I feel OK again.

Right now, I'm remembering the woman that had a wonderful laugh.  We all went to Disney World last year.  I ran the Princess Half, she ran the 5K.

This is how I'll remember her.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Wow.. that's embarrassing!

I stepped on a scale today.

192 pounds.

Wow... and I was doing so well!

How did I get here?
This is part of it.  I've been living in this weird place of stress for a while now.  And it's just getting worse.  My coworker recently moved from a place of being treated for cancer to a place of hospice care.  So now her work is my work, and I'm spending this week doing triage.

Actually, today I hit a place where the task was so big that I couldn't comprehend it.  (This is why I'm blogging... I'm hiding from my to-do list)

(And my heart is breaking over her situation.)

I'm working out, almost every day....

Basically, I now need an action plan!


  1. I need to plan and portion the heck out of what I eat!  That means having snacks and plans for weekend eating!
  2. Working out.  I have a plan.  I need to stick to it!  And maybe up the cardio intensity...  (And not skip my Saturday workouts....)
  3. Do something to manage the stress.  I have help available to me.  I need to use it.  In fact, I'm going to start doing that this week.  
  4. Water:  I eat mindlessly.  How about water or tea when I'm hungry.
  5. Get off my ass!  I need to set a timer to get up and walk every half hour at work.  And walk at lunch.  A break won't kill me.
  6. And in that vein... get my 10,000 steps!
I'm already starting.

I ran this morning
I have a solid meal plan.  I have a meeting tomorrow at a restaurant and picked out a not awful meal to have!

And I need to not eat my feelings
let's hope I don't need to publicly kick myself in the ass in 6 months!

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Wow... What a weekend... (Found on Facebook #3)

The embarrassing news:

When falling in a parking lot, please don't break your fall with your face.  

Why am I imparting this advice?  Because I wiped out in a parking lot on Sunday and smacked my face on a concrete bumper.  Thankfully my teeth and glasses are unscathed.  My lip is all sorts of banged up.

Thankfully, other than having issues drinking, I'm doing much better.

The truly scary news:
The Immigration ban.

Oh, that was the news all weekend long.
Me, when seeing the news on Facebook
Donald Trump signed an Executive Order banning immigration from some heavily Muslim countries.

I get that... but when the details got out it got really weird...

He was banning people with valid vetted visas, people with green cards, and reportedly people that are dual citizens of those countries.
Found on Facebook
The country sat back and wondered why the hell people from places that had ACTUALLY attacked us were ok, but these others weren't.  (not to mention that most of the terror attacks in this country were the result of radicalized white supremacist men...)  Also, we were all baffled by the green card and valid visa issue.

The Trump camp cried "But Obama did it...."  actually.. no...
Found on Facebook
With astonishing speed the word got out.  People were being denied boarding or held when they got off the plane.  Legal residents on this country.  With lightening speed lawyers started showing up at airports.  They were willing to work for free.
The ACLU managed to get an emergency stay, which the Department of Homeland Security ignored.  (Yes, the executive branch said it wasn't going to listen to the judicial branch...)

My position on everything?

Well, if Trump had declared that he wasn't going to issue visas for a few months... I would have been more OK with it.  This blanket ban was rather scary....

Also, the complete disregard for the Judicial branch is worrisome.

I know people are saying that we need to help Veterans more than refugees...
Found on Facebook
(BTW: Starbucks is pushing to hire veterans, military wives AND refugees... I'll have a latte please!)

There's other things that Trump is considering that are downright scary...
Found on Facebook

And the things that leave me like this:
Found on Facebook
3.) this comparison
Found on Facebook
4.) This other comparison:
Found on Facebook
because remember:
Found on Facebook





Friday, January 27, 2017

Why I love Hallmark Channel movies

As we all know... this is been a trying week.

I was just remarking that I need my puppy, wine and Hallmark Channel Movies.

I know, the Hallmark Channel is not a place where one expect to find academy award winning movies of a deep a thoughtful nature.

Instead you find movies that have a rather simple plot.  Many of the plots involve finding love. (Actually, many of the plots are the same) And everyone lives happily ever after.

And there's some for every season!
the images are from the hallmarkchannel.com (also, I missed out on the wedding movies...)
I'm not really kidding!  January is the winter movies, February are the Valentine's day ones.  March, April and May are Spring.  June is the month of weddings.  July and August are summer movies.  September and October are fall movies.  The famous Christmas movies start right around Halloween every year.

I know they these movies are INCREDIBLY white and hetro-normative.  They are a sea of white, heterosexual people in the most non-diverse way.  Hallmark could do better, and they should.

But what these movies do, is they help me to escape.  When life is awful, these movies have an easy plot and everything turns out OK.

And, of course, I've also been taking to buying the movies that I always seem to stop and watch.  (Like favorite one, and favorite two)  I even have a wishlist...

It's a scary place out there.  And I can't be that warrior of social justice like others can.  Thank goodness I have movies to escape to!!


Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Reproductive Rights (I saw it on Facebook #2)

Before I begin, I must state that I've been planning on this series for a while, but I've put it off.

Why?

Because there is SO much scary and maddening stuff going on in Washington that it paralyzes me.  I need to pace myself before my "give-a-damn" breaks and I hide under the bed for 4 years.

And now...  back to the memes.

I got my tubes tied before Obama's second term.

Why?

Becuase I was afraid that Romney would win and I'd lose the right to make decisions about my own body.

Think I'm crazy?  Well, remember this:

It comes down the the principle of Body Autonomy.  But what about innocent babies, you say?  Well, think about this:

I, for one, want more legal rights to my own body while alive than I'd have when I'm dead.   Why can't I decide when I want to have children?  And the republican answer of "just don't have sex" really doesn't cut it.  

But when you look at the Pro-Life argument, and many of the people that are making the pro-life argument carefully... there's a bit of a disconnect.

Many times the same people that are marching in the streets to prevent women from having abortions are also the same ones that want to get rid of WIC, food stamps and all sorts of programs that are designed to help these single mothers.

And we always hear the "Well, put it up for adoption" argument...

We already have an overburdened fostercare system in this country.  if every pro-life person adopted one unwanted child, we'd be set.  But they are not.

And don't get me started about how many of the same people who believe in the "sanctity of life" really don't care about it after it is born


So how do you lower the rates of abortion?  Providing sex education and access to contraception.



And that brings me to late term abortion.

What sane human being thinks that a woman that is in her third trimester would suddenly decide that she doesn't want children and then gets it taken care of?

Now, if you're pro-life... and have adopted kids and care about a living wage, the environment, healthcare and helping single mothers....  then congrats!  You stand as an exception to the above.

But why does that give anyone the right to take away my rights to my own body?

Monday, January 23, 2017

Women's March on Washington (I found it on Facebook No.1)

Saturday hundreds of thousands of women used their first amendment rights to peacefully march on Washington.

Why did they march?

For more reasons than just protesting the new occupant of the White House.

I found this on Facebook that sums up why some were marching:
People were marching because women get paid less than men.  They marched because women should feel safe on college campuses.  They marched because of the poor treatment of Women of Color, Native American Women and Transwomen.

They marched because of crap like this:

Now there have been real issues involved with the march.  There wasn't enough transwomen represented.  (many of the signs had a vagina-centric tone... and not all women possess a vag)  I saw (but for the life of me can't find) evidence that white, able bodied women wouldn't let a disabled marcher get to a place FOR disabled people.

Then there was this.  (Go ahead and read for a bit....)  This person had white privilege thrown at her and her group.  Though it was rather nice to see woman after woman expressing their dismay at what happened, and asking to be educated.  (count me in on a helping of the education!)

It wasn't perfect.  I watched the rally's livesteam from the comfort of my couch.  (I have social anxiety and the march was too people-y, but it was nice to watch!)  Some of the speaker went on for so long that other were reduced to 30 second sound bites.  I did enjoy seeing the ASL interpreters.  (I heard the inauguration had none)

What I didn't like seeing was the backlash.  Piers Morgan had some sort of meltdown on Twitter.  Christy didn't get it.  Some women claimed that we had rights, so we needed to stop marching.  Then the pro-lifers came out:

I don't think these women get it.  They felt left out because they wanted to same "pre-born" women and these others wanted to "kill babies."  (Get ready, there's already legislation)

These women don't get it.  What they want is the way that the Republican Government is moving.  Heaven forbid, but they might get their wish.

It was so inspiring to see so many million of people marching.

Now, let's work so they don't HAVE to anymore.

(Also, this is the first post in a series I'm doing... based on Memes from Facebook!)