Tuesday, October 10, 2017

World Mental Heath Day

I find it a bit fitting that this is World Mental Health Day.  I just went into a Facebook group that is associated with a Real Life group that I'm involved with and deleted most of the post that I've made.  Why?  For a few minutes I got it in my head that no one wanted me around, so I was removing my presence from them.


Did anything happen to bring this on?  Not a damn thing.

But all day I've been fighting the desire to go home and never leave the house again.  A little voice in the back of my mind tells me that no one really wants me around.  That voice insists that I'll never lose weight, that I'm fat and ugly so why bothering exercise.  That voice, luckily has never instructed me to end it all.


What brought this on?  There's a better than average chance that it's hormonal.  In a few days I'll wake up and life will have meaning again.  Until then it'll be a struggle not to cancel every plan that I've ever made.  Not to leave every organization that I'm in.  Not to hide under my bed for foreseeable future. 

I'm not writing this for reassurance.  I'm not writing this to seek sympathy.  I'm writing this to highlight my own mental health difficulties that I'm having on this, World Mental Health Day.

I'm a lucky one.  These periodic struggles with anxiety and depression are, as I said, periodic.  It's not something that I deal with every day.  Which makes me one of the lucky ones.

But right now I'm going to stop myself from resigning from all the organizations I belong to.  I'm going to delete the half formed texts to friends that cancel our plans.

Instead I'm going to have a bit of chocolate, and get back to work.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Sick Leave

My current troubles started last Sunday.  We were shopping and I had to grad a display to keep from falling over.  I was dizzy.  Over the week the dizzy/vertigo spells got more and more frequent.  They also got more intense.

Wednesday night I was walking the dog and the whole world started to spin.  It continued to do so for almost five minutes after I sat down on the couch.

On top of the dizziness, I was tired and my head hurt.

Thursday, the dizziness stopped, replaced by a headache and a general crappy feeling.  I was short and snippy at work (I apologize, y’all).  I had work to do, but I’d find myself staring at nothing.

In other words, I was sick.

I stayed home on Friday.  I decided to use my sick leave.  And I feel guilty for doing it.  Like because I’m not dead, I should be at work.

I am given both annual leave and sick leave.  I am allowed to use them both.  Why should I feel guilty?

It’s because Americans are actively dissuaded from not going to work.  It’s an awful workplace culture and it helps no one.

So I took my day off.  I rested and hydrated.  I cuddled my puppy and petted my kitties.

And I did not feel guilty.

Saturday, September 23, 2017

The Shows Went On!

Anyone that knows me knows that I hate haunted houses and scary movies.  I hate being startled and scared.  Can’t stand it.

But I simply LOVE Busch Garden’s Howl-o-Scream.  

Strange, isn’t it?  Not really.  I go to the park to soak in the lovely decorations.  To be outside when the park isn’t as hot (today withstanding).  And I LOVE the shows!

Seriously.  Summer has a few shows that I like, and a few that I could miss.  Same with Christmas Town.  But I love ALL the shows that How-o-Scream has to offer!

Today we did a sort of pub crawl, except it was going from one show to the other until we've seen them all!

And I have some thoughts!

The first show we saw was Fiends.  Fiends is rather adult.  It's got a Frankenstein meets Rocky Horror plot.  It also has naughty nurses.
from youtube
It's full of songs you know.  It's fun.  My favorite performers from last year are back. (I'm actually surprised the show is back.  Rumor was last year was the end of the run)  The show is campy and fun and I love it.  Last year I was astounded at the diversity in casting of the dancers.  This year, it's good, but not wonderful.

And someday I'll lose enough weight to fit into one of those nurse's uniforms! 

We then went to Night Beats (ReVamped).  This show is in the Festhaus, and that has got to be the worst place to perform!  The room is big and echo-y and people are going in and out with food!
from a previous year, also from BG's Audition site
They redid the show this year, removing what little plot that there was.  I could tell there was a bit of a storyline, but without ANY dialogue, it was hard to follow.  I also could NOT tell the two lead actresses apart!  But this show is one for all ages.  There's singing and dancing and it's a light, fun show.  With vampires!

One change that I did like was the costuming!  The old show had the poor dancers changing between every song.  And the costumes that they did use weren't awesome.  Now they have basic costumes with skirts and shrugs that they can change.  I also loved the overall design of the show!

Then we trekked to the front of the park to see Monster Stomp: on Ripper Row.  This show was my FAVORITE last year.  The female lead was sensational!  I saw the show every time we visited the park last year.
from BG's website
This year I was a tad let down.

That woman that I so loved wasn't back.  Her replacement was good, but she wasn't the powerhouse that I was looking forward to.

The thing that really ruined things for me was the sound mixing.  For years Busch Gardens would mix their shows with the backing track so loud that the singers couldn't be understood.  Funny enough, that changed when they got a new head of entertainment.  Today the mix in Monster Stomp was bad.  SO very bad.  I get that they have live percussion, but I'd like to understand the performers.  The guy that plays Jack the Ripper was from Britmania earlier in the summer and I would have liked to hear him sing!

Today was opening day for the season.  I've decided that I'm going to go back in a few weeks when it's cooler.  We'll see if my thoughts change.




Friday, September 15, 2017

Dust to Dust

A few years ago I got allergy tested.  It was a necessary, and expensive thing that had to be done after I went through 2 inhalers in a month.  It was bad.

It turns out I'm super allergic to dust mites.  So how do you deal with it?
  • keep the humidity below 50%
  • Wash bedding frequently
  • Keeping the house dusted and clean
  • Vacuuming often.
I've been keeping up with the first two.  The other two are a bit of a challenge!

I've been waking up every morning with swollen itchy eyes and a drippy, itchy nose.  Hell, the inside of my face itches!

Every. Morning.

Seriously.  This should be against the Geneva Convention.

I could take Benadryl before bed every night.  That's good and all, but I'm a hung over zombie for half the next day.
Yesterday afternoon, I decided to do something about it!

I was going to wage a battle against dust!!
And because I'm not supposed to be vacuuming, I had the Spousal Equivalent help!

I cleared the bedroom floor.  He vacuumed, while I cleaned off the coffee tabled and dusted the electronics.  I then put laundry away and washed all the blankets and throws.

We're not done, but it's a start.  He still has laundry to put away.  The knick knacks need to be dusted, and I need to get a broom out to dispatch any dust bunnies... but it's getting better.

I even woke up this morning and my eyes weren't burning.

Now if I could just find a new massage therapist to help me with my messed up neck!  Mine seems to have disappeared!

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Inhumans (here that be spoilers)

(Note, I wrote this on Saturday)

Not having much to do today, we decided to experience the first two episodes of The Inhumans, which was presented in glorious IMAX.

The reviews for the show weren't good, so I wasn't expecting much.

And I left not really knowing how I feel.

Honestly, it left me thinking of the first season of Agents of Sheild.  Like there's promise.  I just hope that it lives up to it.

Here are my thoughts, as always, in bullet points:

  • I don't know who did the set design for Atalan, but it's impressive!!
  • The Terigen Crystal ceremony:  there was no cocoon!  Do the rules change on the moon?
  • Is Tristan really dead?  He only lasted like 5 minutes!
  • Maximums = Ramsay Bolton wth a but less psychosis.  Honestly, he plays it well.
  • Medusa's hair wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  Though, it didn't last long.  (side note:  ordinary clippers took care of the magic hair?)
  • I LOVE Karnak!  The way they present his powers is really cool!!  But why did it misfire on earth?
  • I actually like the guy they cast as Black Bolt.  I can see his sense of humor!
  • But why not use ASL?  And don't give me the city on the moon excuse.  They speak English for crying out loud!
  • Scott Buck did this show.  And he's responsible for Iron Fist.  Maybe without him we could get some good writing?
And most importantly:  There NEEDS to be a Lockjaw plushie!!!  And I NEED one!!

If you want someone with better thoughts than me, I agree with her SO much!

Monday, August 28, 2017

Know when to fold 'em

EDITED TO ADD:  this was written last night

I had all sorts of plans for today.  I wen out to run.  I had thoughts of Busch Gardens.

But for some unexpected reason, today was a high anxiety day.

I picked up the smaller of my two kittens, rubbed my face against her soft fur and started to cry.  For some reason this tiny ball of fluff reduced me to a blubbering mass.

I then knocked my Nalgene off the end table.  Actually it was my butt that knocked it off.

Water everywhere.  Thankfully with the help of a carpet cleaner, I managed to suck it up.  But that dind't stop the tirade.  I'm a useless big-assed waste of space that can't manage to keep water on the table.

I don't know what brought it on.  All I know is that today I feel fragile and small, but also fat and clumsy.

It's actually very frustrating.  I know these thoughts and feelings are fleeting and temporary.  I know that tomorrow I'll most likely be fine.  (I also know that as of Tuesday life is going to get SUPER busy!  Classes start soon!)

The good news is that my house is a whole lot cleaner than it has been in ages.  That's one less stress on me today.  So I'm off to knock out the remaining undone chores so those stresses are gone.

And we'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Friday, August 25, 2017

When did I get old?

Last night I thought it was a good idea to visit the Williamsburg Winery for their running club.

I ran (Well, walked and ran) a 5K, then had a glass of wine and some food.  By the time I got home, I was so tired I was loopy.  But holy heck, did I sleep well!

I woke up this morning sore and hung over (half a glass of wine, y'all.  Wow....).  I also had that sense of dread.

Why?

Because the Freshmen moved in today!!

I got to work at 8 on the nose, and was greeted with a gaggle of people standing IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and talking.  I'm hungry, uncaffinated and headachy.  And I was not amused!
I know!  I know!  The point of college is students!  But still, it's chaos when they move in.

I'm still tired and sore.  The traffic outside is still awful.  

I'm still in shock that I've been here over six years.

That's longer than I was a teacher for.

This is the first year that I'm doing something different as the school year starts.  This is the first year that I'm solely responsible for the grad program.

I'm a bit anxious about it.

But mostly I'm tired!

Happy Friday everyone!