Friday, October 22, 2021

Sunshine and Rainbows

 Everyone has a core to their soul.  The place in the middle under all the callouses and scar tissue caused by life.

Mine?  It’s full of rainbows and glitter.

Don’t mistake the rainbows and glitter of my soul for a Pollyanna like optimism.  That’s not it.  It’s more like Mr. Rogers is my default setting.  I default to kindness.  I tend to trust too easily, often to my own detriment.  I’m often brought to tears by the injustices of the world.

Some examples

  • I hit high school in 1989, during the height of the AIDS epidemic.  When most children were being taught to hate Gay people, I didn’t understand why.  Why hate these people for who they love?  And why would God the these people too?
  • Like many school children I learned of the Holocaust through literature.  While I intellectually know why the Nazis did this, it still boggles my mind.
  • I cried watching police cause a “riot” at BLM protests, deep down not understanding how these people could first cause trouble, then punish the people they first harmed.
  • My mind boggles at the selfishness of so many during this pandemic that won’t lift a finger to ease the suffering of other people.
  • For most of my life I’ve not been comfortable around guns.  Why?  Because I don’t think anyone needs them.  If we truly believe to treat others how you’d want to be treated then why would we need them?  I don’t think people go around wanting to be shot.
I quickly became disillusioned with modern Christianity.  The messages of love and acceptance and the Golden Rule were clearly lost on its members.

Why do you think I love Disney as much as I do?  When we’re in Disney I can let myself just be.  I can bask in the bright glittery light of my soul as the weight of the world is lifted for a while.

A few weeks ago I sat sobbing on my kitchen floor as I heard my friend’s voice from my husband’s phone speaker.  He talked of how he’s been working and preparing this plan to end his life for months.  He’s been taking things to destroy his body.  And all he had left to do was die.

I sobbed because my soul can’t comprehend someone wanting to end their life.

I sobbed because I was incapable to stop it.

I sobbed because I could not help.

I sobbed because I trusted this person, and he used our house to help execute parts of this plan.

I sobbed because I could feel scar tissue hardening around the bright glitter of my soul.

Please, if you find others like me, don’t be the one that builds scar tissue around the bright light of their soul.  Don’t mock them for seeing the good in things.  Someone has to see the rainbows and unicorns of the world.

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