Monday, May 15, 2017

I hate feeling like this

I've read that a variety of things can affect mood and mental outlook.  Hormones, time of year, stress levels....

I must be in a weird place, because I've hit a strange place.

After finishing up the school year with commencement, I am now allowed to breathe a bit.  (But only a bit, because I just got a few "Why isn't this done???" emails.)

After a day in a dress and heels, and an afternoon at a theme park, I went to bed dosed up on asthma meds and Benadryl.

I woke up in quite the funk.
I woke up wondering why I'm doing all of this exercising for.

I woke up feeling fat, ugly and stupid.

I woke up wondering if anyone cared if I was around, or would notice my absence.

I woke up feeling that my purpose in life was to work, do jobs that aren't mine, and clean.

And we know that those things aren't true.  I know that they aren't.  I'm sure it's dehydration, exhaustion and hormones.

But today I feel fat, ugly and unattractive.

And I know this will go away.

I'll hide on the sofa today.  I'll lose myself in a show.  I'll work on that dehydration thing.  (Seriously, I feel hungover, but I haven't had alcohol in ages).

I'll get up tomorrow and run and get back to the being healthy thing.

And I'll tell myself that this too shall pass.

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