I didn't sleep well last night. My brain raced for hours. The main thought was loud and clear: "why did you even think that you could do this? You're going to fail, and fail publicly."
What am I going to fail at? In October I'm giving the sermon at church. It's still a month away, and I've already got a rough draft of the sermon. But my old friend doubt has come to visit. That's all I could think of, how badly I was going to fail. How people were going to laugh at me, and talk about me.
The other nagging thought of was sheer amount of things I do in a week! I need to sit down and see what falls when, and simply not go to things when I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's not that I can't say no to things. It's that I'm worried that I'll be missing out. That others will be having fun without me. That I'll be left behind and excluded.
Because being forgotten is my greatest fear.