I realized today that I'll be 37 this year. Close to 40.
What do I have to show for my life? I have student loans I can't pay... loans that financed an education that I'm not using. I spent seven years as a sub, and four years as a teacher. It took me eleven years to decide that I'm a crap teacher. I spent over a decade with a man, before realizing that no matter how much I tried, I wasn't happy and the marriage wouldn't work.
I feel like I wasted my 30's.
I'm now 36 and starting at the bottom. I'm starting a job as a secretary. I'm considering using the job benefits to get a new degree. I have a new relationship.
Starting over is hard. But I wonder if I'm too old. Though, there's no stopping now: the job is a go, and I'm not getting out of my relationship. (I love the Spousal Equivalent too much).
What is I fail? Can I start over again at 46?
self-examination is good, but don't get to caught up in the what ifs. enjoy the process of living fully, who you are now with an eye toward a goal, any goal, really. and if you still find joy, that's what makes living an art. you're just beginning, like your blog name states.
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