Thursday, January 20, 2011

I'm Over the Hill

I realized today that I'll be 37 this year. Close to 40.

What do I have to show for my life? I have student loans I can't pay... loans that financed an education that I'm not using. I spent seven years as a sub, and four years as a teacher. It took me eleven years to decide that I'm a crap teacher. I spent over a decade with a man, before realizing that no matter how much I tried, I wasn't happy and the marriage wouldn't work.

I feel like I wasted my 30's.

I'm now 36 and starting at the bottom. I'm starting a job as a secretary. I'm considering using the job benefits to get a new degree. I have a new relationship.

Starting over is hard. But I wonder if I'm too old. Though, there's no stopping now: the job is a go, and I'm not getting out of my relationship. (I love the Spousal Equivalent too much).

What is I fail? Can I start over again at 46?

1 comment:

cath c said...

self-examination is good, but don't get to caught up in the what ifs. enjoy the process of living fully, who you are now with an eye toward a goal, any goal, really. and if you still find joy, that's what makes living an art. you're just beginning, like your blog name states.