Monday, December 20, 2010

Deep Thoughts

But these aren't by Jack Handy (You get a cookie if you remember the reference.)

Sunday's church service included reflections on the seasons (Solstice and Christmas). The Christmas part included many, many questions to reflect on. So many questions that I couldn't remember them all! So I emailed the minister to get the list.

And now, part 1 of four.

* First, for what do you hope this season?

I hope for some stability in my life. I’ve got stable relationships, so I’m good there. It’s the constant worry about money. Can we pay the rent? Will they start to garnish our wages? Will they reposses my car? I hope that I can get to a more stable place, where this worrying won’t give me a ulcer.

* What is it that really matters to you?

Home. Home isn’t a house, or apartment, or anything like that. It’s the place where you make your meals and sleep safe at night. It’s holds those people (and animals) that are so precious to you that you can’t bear to have them live anywhere else.

* What do you wish to see in the world?

I really would like to see some hope. Things have been so bleak lately that many people have given up hope of ever getting back on their feet again. (I must admit, that from time to time I am among these numbers) With some hope, and a little positivity, maybe we can make positive change, instead of complaining about it. I know that I'm going to work on this myself.

* What do you wish to do in the world?

I thought that my place in this universe was to teach. But after being let go from three districts in four years... that's not going to happen. At this point, I'm not so sure where my place in this world is. I know that may take time to figure out, so in the mean time I'm trying to find a job that will sustain me.

My greatest fear is to be invisible and forgotten. I really wish to help... to be remembered fondly... and not to be a burden.

* What do you need from the world that will truly nourish your soul, sustain you into an uncertain future, and give you the strength to embrace your better self?

I think that my biggest problem is worrying. And you can tell me all day to stop worrying about things. It won't help. Like I said before, if I could get ahead money wise, so I'll stop worrying that things will be pulled out from under me, I'll be ok.

Nourishing my soul is a different matter. I think the act of making a better "me" is an active one. I know I need to work on establishing a routine, eating healthier and exercising more. But doesn't everyone? The biggest thing I need to do is balance the separate parts of my life. I tend to fulfill one set of needs to the exclusion of others, which starts a nasty cycle. What will sustain me is balance. Balancing out the commitments, jobs, friends and needs so nothing is screaming for attention.

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