Sunday, July 31, 2011

My thoughts on my weekend, and my weight loss tips

I had a pretty good weekend. We did a lot of dishes, went shopping at the discount grocery store, and then went to a party last night. The party was good. I met a fellow blogger for the first time, and spent hours talking to people and being social. This morning was an early one, since I was singing at church.

I've been thinking about what I've learned through Weight Watchers. Now, my weight loss ins't drastic. It's about a pound a week (which means I should hit my goal weight in a year). But here's what I've learned.
  • If I deny myself, I'll end up bingeing. So portion control is important. I made desserts in muffin tins, and know the point values of them. I'd rather have 3 Hershey Kisses now, then eat the bag later.
  • Portion control. I keep small bowls and plates around. Also package up leftovers in small containers soon after we eat, for lunches.
  • Don't get discouraged. You may gain. Well, if you can, figure out why, and try to see if you can overcome it the next week.
  • Weight yourself at the same time every week. It'll give you a more accurate gauge of your weight loss.
  • EXERCISE!
  • And let others in on this. They can cheer you on!
And now, I'm having a small bowl of Mac n' Cheese.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Money... money.... money

I get paid twice a month, and after bills, food and gas I usually have little money left. While driving in the car, I made a list of all things that I need to get in the next few months. It was depressingly long.

  • Dance Classes
  • a hair cut. I've been wearing it in a pony tail for months now. Time to get it shorter!
  • Mascara. I just realized that mine is three years old. Yikes.
  • Work clothes. I need to be able to vary this wardrobe a little!
  • Bailey's Irish Cream. I love having a bit as a nightcap.
*sighs* That's a lot of money!

Friday, July 29, 2011

I know it's 100 degrees out...

But I'm seriously suffering from hypothermia in here!!

I don't know how the AC in this building works, but summer and winter I freeze. In the winter I can't get enough heat into my office (If my office is comfortable the professors offices are roasting), in the summer it's over-cooled (If I'm comfortable, the offices are too warm).

I'm having issues typing. My hands hurt from the cold.

I need to buy two things this weekend: a thermometer to measure how cold it is in here, and a snuggie.

Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to open my windows and pray a warm breeze will blow in.

Thank Goodness it's Friday

Between money issues (Home alone tonight, and have no ice cream! *sigh*), and a flurry of stuff at work, I'm kinda done.

It's been of week that seemed to go on forever, in a parade of never ending tasks. Tonight's include the dishes that I can't seem to catch up on, and possibly even putting laundry away. I know, what a boring life I lead.

I've been overtaken with a nesting instinct lately. I want to decorate, which is unlike me. It all started with wanting to put my diplomas into frames and hang them. (What else am I doing with my Master's Degree? I might as well display it.) I have some other pictures that should be given nice frames and places on the wall too.

I also now realize that I don't have a single decent picture of the Spousal Equivalent and I! I must remedy this, but without a camera.. it'll be difficult!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

I'm starting a BlanketFort! Come join me!

I try to avoid the news. In the morning, I watch something that was recorded the previous night as I eat my breakfast (oatmeal and coffee). Before I go, I might turn into the Today show. But more and more I've been avoiding the news.

Why?

Money stresses me out. After years of living paycheck to paycheck, then unemployment and temping, and now working for a paycheck that is exactly half of what I made as a teacher, money is a sore subject with me. I owe tens out thousands in student loans. After I pay the bills, I usually only have $20 left. Things like that.

What's in the news? Money. the rich don't want to pay taxes. *eyeroll* They want to get rid of the programs that help the poor.


I wish that the people (recently, the childish people) in Washington would stop focusing on the 2012 election and the fight to either keep their jobs, or get other people out of their jobs, to actually DO their jobs. I can see it happening, and it makes me upset and sad. Can't the politicians in Washington fight for ALL Americans, not just the ones that donate to campaigns?

The end of a small era

I went into the Weight Watchers experience with 13 pre-paid vouchers. I never really thought about the end of that adventure.

I am now glad that I have the books and gadgets and websites all bookmarked, because I used my last voucher last night. I've lost just under 10 pounds in the 13 weeks that I've been there.

Now comes the hard part, doing this on my own. I have blogs I can look to for support, but a great many of those involve people that love running. I don't believe that running is an option for anyone. Unless they are chased. By a bear.

So I have a plan. It's a multi-step plan!
  • Keep on using those points. They won't change. I have the books and the online calculator and friends in the program that can help.
  • Exercise. If I can be nice to my body today, I'll exercise tomorrow, and hopefully at the very least on Saturday (and next week and all)
  • I'm going to continue with the weekly weigh-ins. But I'll do it on my WiiFit. It's the only scale that I own!
Wish me luck!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Tomorrow starts a new week...

.. in my Weight Watchers week, that is.

I was unsuccessful with the working out this week, so I plan on starting out easy tomorrow. I haven't lost any weight, so exercise is really important for next week.

And we remember my shoulder injury? Well, I'm realizing that work isn't helping. I've moved my computer around, which will help (need my elbows supported and all). I also think exercising in the morning will help, as will trying to spread out the work, and not killing myself to get it done NOW.

And I'm now realizing that I might have to take an afternoon or two off, just to let myself heal!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Mirrors are Evil

For years I've lived in apartments where the only mirror was the small one attached to the medicine cabinet. In the dim light I could only see my face, and not how large I've gotten. I'd blindly stumble along thinking that I looked good, but would get a surprise when visiting places with large mirrors.

Now that I'm trying to lose weight, I avoid mirrors. It just makes me depressed. I then contemplate starving myself (which we all know is an idle threat), and feel awful.

I hate mirrors.

*sigh* defeat..

I weighed myself today. According to the Wii... no change. I know that the presence of Birthday Cake in the house (all gone now), and no exercise are to blame.

Problem 1, the cake is taken care of. We ate it all. And it was good!

Problem 2 I'm hoping to resolve this week. I'm trying to rest my shoulder (Which is used for everything) and let it heal. I'm going to try a Yoga workout on Netflix streaming. It looks to be more adaptive to people's injuries. Then tomorrow morning I'm trying a 15 minute cardio. We'll see how it goes.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Weight Watchers and Healthy Lifestyle bloggers.

I've been doing the program now for 13 weeks, and unfortuately I'm coming to the end. Why? Because I had 13 pre-paid passes, and I'm handing in my last one today.

Will I continue with the program. That's a tricky question. I'd like to. In a perfect world, I would. But it costs money, and with the state and insurance taking even more of my money, I don't know if I can justify the expense. I have all of the tools already, the books, the calculator website.

What I'd miss are the meetings. It's like a big support group. I think, in the end, I'll just have to see if we have the money. With the rent check mix-up and the new car (and my intense desire to go to the Renaissance Faire) I might have other places for my money to go right now.

I've been getting guilt and advice from one of the MANY Healthy Lifestyle blogger that I follow. The one thing that I've noticed is that they all take pictures of their meals. I don't think I could ever do that! (Unless I was posting a recipe.. that's a little different).

What to know what blogs I'm reading? Here are the healthy lifestyle blogs (well, some of them. I have A LOT of blogs I follow)

Renaissance Faire

I grew up 45 minutes away from a Renaissance Faire. We went once a year. The first sewing I did was to make a costume to wear. After I met the ex, I moved up near to the Faire, and even ended up working there.

The Rennies were my family. My favorite band played there. Some of my favorite acts performed there.

We eventually moved to Virginia. I eventually left the ex. I joke that he got Sterling in the divorce. With few exceptions, those Rennies are his friends now, not mine. And that ok.

I packed my Ren Faire gear away this year. It broke my heart. I haven't been to a faire in years.

I'd been wanting to get to MDRF this year (October 1/2 or 8/9), but between a new car and rent difficulties I don't know if we can now, and again it broke my heart.

And for people that don't get the Renaissance Faire experience, it's ok. I hope that someday you get to experience it as I have.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Sundays are a bit of a let down.

It's been a quiet weekend. I'm a little sad it's almost over.
  • The last three days have been over 100, so I've been hiding inside.
  • The rent is taken are of. Now, if we can get a refund from the Money Order
  • Laundry is undone, I need to get a load in this morning because....
  • This afternoon we're selling Deathtrap! I'll be relieved to be rid of that car.
  • Working out has been non-existent. I'm resting my shoulder. I'm hoping I can do something next week.
  • I REALLY wish I had a yard, with a clothesline. I'm not looking forward to how hot the dryer will make the house.
  • The pup has a vet appointment today. I believe she's shots on the menu, which means she gets benedryl before we go.
And now, that laundry, and maybe a cold shower. It's too darn hot.

Friday, July 22, 2011

I hate injuries

Like seriously! I hates them precious! I injured myself on Wednesday, probably bathing the dog. (She's a wiggly pup!) The injury is that shoulder/shoulderblade area. You know, those joints you use ALL DAY LONG!

I have stuff that needs doing here at work, which won't get done until Monday. I'm in pain. I really don't need to be lugging around heavy equipment to get serial numbers. I'll have the student worker help me on Monday.

But, again, working out is on hold. 1.) It's too damn hot. 2.) Exercise is counter to keeping my arm/shoulder still so I can.. like.. heal!

In the meantime I'll do what I can.

An addition to my Choir wish list

I know.. I had a wish list.. but I need to make an addition

Aquarius/ Let The Sunshine In, but this arrangement (not with all the dancing)

Friday!

And I'm all alone in the office.

That's not the hard part. I have a few things to get done. Things to keep me busy. The hard part is that I'm lonely, and the loneliness is making me hungry. Well, maybe not even hungry, but I want to snack.

I'm hoping that the fact that I'm not overly hungry right now, and the 100 degree temperatures will firmly keep me in my office until 5.

Edited to add: I got some health-ish snacks... something crunchy. And I'm not leaving the building again until 5!!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

I'm getting older....

and I still don't want children. I wonder why I'm using the pills when I should be looking for something more permanent.

I wish this had an easy answer. Things like this rarely do.

I also wish I had enough change for chocolate. Or FroYo.

I thought I could dance....

I'd like to take a moment to talk to y'all about dance.

People might not know that I started taking lessons in the second grade. By my senior year, I had three classes a week, plus a class every day at school. I never majored in dance in college, but I took a class almost every term I was on campus.

Eventually I graduated. I gained weight. I moved to Virginia. I was unhappy. I found a Modern class that didn't mind that I was above the age of 18, but that ended. This fall I started ballet again, and found that I was carrying around too much weight to dance. It broke my heart, and lead to me joining Weight Watchers.

But in spite of all of that, I adore So You Think You Can Dance. Now, while I don't always agree with the judging, or who they select to leave, I do enjoy it.

And now... my favorite routines.. accompanied by YouTube clips (if I can find them)

Many Things, One Post (hopefully)

I don't have enough to merit multiple posts... so here it all is, bullet style!
  • We sent in paperwork to try to get a refund of the Money Order. They may or may not give it to us, but we're hopeful.
  • I watched the shuttle land. I got teary. When I was a kid, I wanted to go to Space Camp and eventually be an astronaut. But I never told anyone, because my parents said we didn't have enough money to do anything... so I never asked to go.
  • I'm avoiding all things politics lately. The politicians in Washington are, for the most part, still acting like children.
  • I washed the puppy last night, and hurt my shoulder in the process. I'm going to treat it carefully today and exercise this evening. The SE and I have a "Just Dance" date after work.
  • I gained a pound this week. *frowny face*
  • It's 9am and already too damn hot.
  • And lastly: I got everything on my to do list done yesterday! GO me!
I now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Because I haven't posted enough today!

Talking about yoga fail... I tried a work out.. I think it was 10 minute solutions. And I just didn't like it. That one was from Netflix streaming.

I have a few coming in the mail... eventually...
I noticed this morning that because of my wrist issues I have HUGE issues doing Downward-Facing Dog. It HURTS my wrists. Unless, of course, I'm doing it wrong....

So, for the peanut gallery... any DVD/People I should try? Whom do you recommend?

My Choir wish list

My church has an awesome choir. Seriously! And they give us hard music.

And because I'm a masochist... I've developed a wishlist!

  1. Rutter's For the Beauty of the Earth. Anyone that was in choir in high school with me knows it!
  2. True colors. I KNOW there has to be a choral arrangement... like this one... but with women (since we are short on the guys in choir)
  3. and the long shot. again.. (My Chemical Romance's SING.. as done by Glee... for that choir feel) if there's a choral arrangement (but with less plaid)
  4. and then of course... this one (John Williams is the Man, by Moosebutter)... because it would be funny.. and would go well with a topic I may be speaking about.. someday...
  5. and for good measure.. this one (Idina Menzel, No Day But Today). It's so pretty!

"But you're too friendly to have Social Anxiety!"

I heard that the other day. And I guess it's kind of true. But then again, she doesn't have the "Care and Feeding of a Meari Handbook." And I should also note, I've never been officially diagnosed with anything... those are just labels (social anxiety and depression) I use to describe what I'm feeling.. since they are pretty close.

The biggest battle that I fight at times is simply getting out of the house. And to describe it, let me borrow the Spoon Theory (my apologies to anyone this offends):

Most day, I am perfectly fine. I have a routine. I know what I'm doing. But then new things come along. If I'm going out someplace new, you can halve my available spoons. If I'm going alone, take away 3/4 of them. You can take more away if it's a new place involving a new situation.

There are times I also have issues with people. In these new situations, new places, if I have to interact with a bunch of new people you can take away a spoon for every person I talk to.

And if it's that special time, and the depression is settling in, you can take away a huge amount of spoons too.

Heaven forbid if it's a busy time where I have new place/situation after new place/situation. By the end of it I can't even open my door, let alone walk through it.

But there is a flip side: with people, places and situations I'm familiar with? I'm perfectly fine.

I know it's confusing. And I'm sorry about that.

A set back

The Wii says that I gained half a pound. I guess babying myself with this headache and tummy issues caught up with me.

Back to work today. Making better food choices, and more working out.

I hate it when I gain....

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The sun continues to rise

Yesterday may go down in the books as the worst birthday for the Spousal Equivalent, evah!

But the amazing thing is: That no matter how awful the previous day was, the sun will rise the next morning. Even if it feels like the end of the world, morning will eventually come.

And this morning came when the Spousal Equivalent turned on the light and asked me if I was working out this morning. The answer was no, since I succeeded in crying myself sick the night before. I know the rent thing isn't entirely my fault, and he has forgiven me, but I still feel awful about it.

But there is good news. This afternoon, SE is going to see if he can find the missing money. I assume he'll get Velma, Shaggy and Scooby to help him. My phone is also on the truck, out to be delivered. I'll have a new toy this afternoon.

As for my resolve to work out more. I have three days left of the week in which to do this. I'm also adding daily chores to my list, to eliminate crisis cleaning on the weekend. Wish me luck.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Oh, this sucks

Today is the Spousal Equivalent's birthday. We were on our way out to dinner, when I saw a note on the door.

We owe over $300 on the rent? That's not possible!!

Apparently it is.

I've paid the rent with money orders for months now. The old management company would take weeks to cash the checks. We get them from a machine at Wal Mart. There's a $500 limit, so we get 2 money orders. The management company only got one. How, I don't know. They were together in an envelope (so I thought, but since the other one isn't here...). We have until Friday to get them $250. Which happens to be the Spousal Equivalent's birthday money.

I don't have the receipt, but assuming the money orders are numbered sequentially, we're going to trace it and try to get the cash back.

And that hits hard of my fear of being homeless.

Needless to say, there were tears, and the much cancelling of plans. Lets hope tomorrow is better.

I think I need to tough love myself!

I've been babying my body for a week or so. I've been feeling down, tired, with a headache for a week. (The headache comes and goes, it's worse today... but it was mostly go by the end of last week).

I think tomorrow I'll go back to exercise. I'll make sure I have enough water (today it will be tough. I found out this morning that my water bottle needs some serious washing). I'll also see about getting into the Chiropractor. I've had runs of massive headaches before. Doctors wanted to medicate with strong pain medication. My chiropractor actually helped.

I think that's what I'll do. Just work through it. Time to tough love myself!

Another week....

Even after the loss of a friend, life has to go on. (Like the song, but without the annoying Celine Dion)

For me, that means recovering from a busy weekend. We saw Harry Potter, went out to lunch, spent most of yesterday morning at church, went shopping, dyed my hair (and failed). Busybusy!

I'm still recovering from whatever lingering 'lurgy has been kicking my ass of late. This means headaches. Almost daily for over a week now.

But I have goals!
  • Do dishes every day
  • vacuum
  • laundry... we need clothes for work!
  • picking up the living room
  • 3 days of light exercise this week
Sounds achievable?

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Sunday Fail



Last night my friend Sean died. In the end, I think it was a blessing. He's finally free from the pain. I feel the loss, the guilt, but it's getting better.

This afternoon I dyed my hair. That color. Well, I missed some spots. I pray it's not too terribly noticeable.

The rest of the day will involve dishes, laundry, dinner and rest.

If there was ice cream involved, it would be a perfect day.

Friday, July 15, 2011

New toys!


Early this morning, I ordered my upgraded phone. *does a happy dance*

Now the hard part. The wait.

I'm getting a Pantech Link. I know, it's last year's model, but it looks like a BlackBerry! Isn't it pretty?

And for everyone that says: "Why don't get GET a BlackBerry?" My answer is simple. It's an extra charge a month that I don't want to pay.

I realized that I needed something like this after week of my slider phone, sitting open on my desk, or open on the coffee table. Now I can text with ease. *happy sigh*

Now the hardest part. Waiting patiently for that email confirmation that it's shipped. I want my new toy!

In the realm of unfair... this is the unfairest!

And it's not about me. As we all know, I was (am... and completely out of shape) a dancer. So I ADORE So You Think You Can Dance.

I know the mental pain that sudden physical limitation can bring. And so does Alex Wong. Alex Wong is an amazing ballet dancer. And he does a mean hip hop too! He dropped out of the competition with a lacerated achilles tendon last year. People very very upset about it, and even went to honor him at the finale. (watch them both. I'll wait.)

He lacerated the OTHER achilles over the weekend. This is a whole new level of suck and fail. I seriously cried when I found out.

Get better soon!


It's FINALLY Friday!!

Thank GOODNESS!

I've been sick off and on all week. (Don't ask.. you really don't want to know).

And I really can't believe it. I've had a ton of stuff to do at work today! We're getting ready to surplus old equipment, so I've been making lists and gathering serial numbers. Low and behold, I discovered, shoved into corners and under desks: ancient Dell towers and old crt monitors! Most of these don't work, and instead of turning them in, people hid them. Naughty Grad Students and Professors!!

Tomorrow is the Spousal Equivalent's birthday party. We're starting with a morning viewing of Harry Potter, then Mexican for lunch. I'm rather excited about it!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I feel unpretty

(inspired by this)

One of the nasty side effects of trying to lose weight is being hyper aware of how you look, the shape of your body, and how much you weigh.

Unfortunately, as my weight has inched down, all I want to do is hide under a burka until I'm down to 130 pounds. I used to feel somewhat attractive, but I haven't in months. And couple that with acne.. since I must have started reliving my teen years. I'm just a mess.

I just want to feel pretty again.

The ups and the downs.

I weighed myself on the Wii yesterday. It was a nice milestone. The WiiFit says I'm no longer obese, I'm now just overweight.

But when I got to my meeting that evening, I'd only lost under a pound.

Apparently the heat was to blame. The heat, and the severe dehydration I'd been feeling.

Oh well, I just have to be more mindful this week. I'm just two tenths of a pound under 10 pounds!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I make awesome tacos!

Seriously. I do. here's the recipe

  • 1 chopped onion
  • a couple cloves of chopped garlic
  • 1 pound ground turkey
  • 1 can drained black beans
  • 1 envelope low sodium taco seasoning
  • extra cumin and chili powder.
  • 1 cup of water
I cook the onion and garlic until soft, then add the turkey, cooking until it's no longer pink.

I then add the beans, and the spices, the seasoning and water. Mix well, then bring the heat up to a boil so you can cook everything down!

Seriously, it's the best evah!

New Hopes and Dreams

Well, since my dreams of a house with a yard were taken away by the reality-monster... I've come to love the little things in life!

Or at least I'm trying.

I decided to focus on the future, so to help that happen, I'm going to squirrel away money. Why? Well, if I don't get to the Ren Faire this summer.. I might just cry. After having my reunion hopes dashed, this is my new dream. I used to spend every weekend at Faire when I lived near Sterling. But since moving down here, I've been to Maryland twice. It's been almost 4 years since I last went. I pray we can get out there!!

I'm also getting a new phone this week. This is because the Spousal Equivalent loves me and let me have his upgrade!

Monday, July 11, 2011

An unexpected three day weekend.

I'm home today with a migraine. I think it's a combo of whatever I came down with on Friday, and the severe dehydration that I've been battling since Saturday.

Seriously people, listen to your body. When my EYEBALLS started feeling dry, I should have doubled my water consumption and added much more fruit to my diet.

Did I? No.

I waited until I started feeling pain, and had a migraine that would not quit.

What am I doing today? Drinking water.

And washing clothes, because it's got to be done.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Popcorn Theology (Stick with me, it's long)

This summer the teen religious education classes from my church. are engaging in their own form of Popcorn Theology. That got me thinking about the movies and books that shaped my own views of religion.

I did attend Sunday School as a child. My mother took us to a Presbyterian church near our house. I was too young to question. I didn’t understand the concept of religious denominations. I simply thought you went to the church closest to you. Why should there be differences? Wasn’t God... God?

I just absorbed it all. Unfortunately for my religious mother, the late 70’s brought two things to our home. Cable, complete with HBO, and Star Wars.

Star Wars came complete with The Force. I never told anyone at the time, but I wanted to be a Jedi Knight, especially after Obi-Wan Kenobi described the Force.
“The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.
I loved the idea of that. Something that connects us all. A code of honor. I wished it was real. That’s how I wanted things to be, not this praying to someone business.

In the sixth grade, my class studied Medieval History. With that, came the yearly trip to see the Salt City Center for the Performing Arts and Jesus Christ Superstar. I adored the musical. I still do. I loved the message. I loved the message of Jesus, the man. I wondered why it was so different than what I was hearing at church.

Life went on. Thanks to my Father’s influence I started watching Star Trek: the Next Generation and reading fantasy novels. I especially liked the Mercedes Lackey. Through those books I was introduced to polytheistic belief systems. Systems with female deities. What a concept!

I took a few religious studies classes in college. The more I learned of Christianity, the less I felt connected to it. There were too many contradictions, it didn't make sense to me.

And then I read The Mists of Avalon. I was introduced to Paganism. Paganism brought my wanting of The Force full circle. Here was a belief system that stressed the interconnected-ness of things. I was so dissatisfied by the religion of my youth that I threw myself into this new-found religion. It still wasn’t a perfect fit, but it was close.

Before I was married Dogma came out. People either loved it, or hated it. To me, it summed up most of the things I believed.
About beliefs:
Rufus: He still digs humanity, but it bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name - wars, bigotry, televangelism. But especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it.
Bethany: Having beliefs isn't good?
Rufus: I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can't generate. Life becomes stagnant.

About Denominations:
Serendipity: When are you people going to learn? It's not about who's right or wrong. No denomination's nailed it yet, and they never will because they're all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains need to wake up.

And about some of the things that Catholics believed... which wasn’t supported by the Bible.
Bethany: Jesus didn't have any brothers or sisters. Mary was a virgin.
Rufus: Mary gave birth to CHRIST without having known a man's touch, that's true. But she did have a husband. And do you really think he'd have stayed married to her all those years if he wasn't getting laid? The nature of God and the Virgin Mary, those are leaps of faith. But to believe a married couple never got down? Well, that's just plain gullibility.

By this time, I’d settled on an idea that if everyone’s set of beliefs is different, and that making a patchwork quilt of faith, using other religions’ pieces to make it was acceptable. Years later, this view was echoed in Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Eat Pray Love.

“‘You don’t want to go cherry-picking a religion.’

Which is a sentiment that I completely respect expect for the fact that I totally disagree. I think you have every right to cherry-pick when it comes to moving your spirit and finding peace in God. I think you are free to search for any metaphor which will take you across the worldly divide whenever you need to be transported or comforted. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s the history of mankind’s search for holiness.” (Eat Pray Love, page 297)

I can’t leave this without mentioning Joan of Arcadia. It is a show about God, but doens’t follow one system of beliefs. Many of my own views follow the “Ten Commandments of Joan of Arcadia,” the guidelines for the show’s writers.
  1. God cannot directly intervene.
  2. Good and evil exist.
  3. God can never identify one religion as being right.
  4. The job of every human being is to fulfill his or her true nature.
  5. Everyone is allowed to say "no" to God, including Joan.
  6. God is not bound by time. This is a human concept.
  7. God is not a person and does not possess a human personality.
  8. God talks to everyone all the time in different ways.
  9. God's plan is what is good for us, not what is good for him.
  10. God's purpose for talking to Joan, and everyone, is to get her (us) to recognize the interconnectedness of all things.

So in the end, people’s experiences make up their religious views. Religion for people is made of everything they’ve read, seen and herd. Mine was a combination of scholarly study, books, movies and even a musical. But in the end, it’s all the same, just wrapped up in different packages.
“The Hopi Indians thought the world’s religions each contained one spiritual thread, and that these threads are always seeking each other, wanting to join. When all the threads are finally woven together they will form a rope that will pull us out of this dark cycle of history and into the next realm.” (Eat Pray Love, p. 298)

Saturday, July 9, 2011

I don't like Pina Coladas OR getting caught in the rain.

Especially the last part.

So, to recap, after lunch I got soaked to the bone walking across campus. Then I spent the next few hours in my office, which is slightly warmer than a refrigerator. By the time I made it home I think I had permanent goose bumps.

A hot shower didn't really help. Sometime after dinner, I started feeling awful. My entire body ached. So I went to bed and watched a movie. I don't know how historically accurate it was, but I have decided that I need to actually buy the other Austen movies that they've made! And read the books...

Today we're going to get the living areas company appropriate. Unfortunately, my exercise experiment is on hold. I still feel all achy.

Well, maybe I'll do some yoga...

Friday, July 8, 2011

I hate rain.

It's been raining off and all all day around here. It cleared up around 10am, and had been pretty nice since then. So I go across campus to run an errand. It sprinkles a bit when I leave the building.

Halfway back, the sky opens up. In under a minute, I'm soaked to the bone.

I trudged back to my office, wrung out my clothes and kicked off my soggy shoes. The air conditioning is blowing across my wet t-shirt.

I'm wet, unhappy, and in need of Starbucks.

The Experiment: Day 2

it was difficult... but I actually did 20 minutes of this. Difficult, because it is Friday.. and I just wanted to go back to bed. But yay me. I did it.

Today's weather can best be described as crappy. I took the pup out during a lull in the rain, and even she wasn't interested in being outside. Then thunder boomed, and she REALLY wasn't interested in being outside.

I have a feeling it's going to be one of those days.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

An experiment!

As of this morning, the WiiFit said I weighed 175 pounds (I know! Isn't awful!) and my blood pressure is 124/80.

I've been doing a lot of aerobics, which is inching away the pounds, but not the stress. I also know that a stronger core will help in general.

So I'm going to eat well, AND exercise every day for 7 days. If it makes a big difference in weight and blood pressure, I'll keep it up!

I'm thinking 3 days of aerobics, 2 days each of Pilates and yoga.

Today: Yoga.

I'll post the titles I used!

It's a new day!

We all know that at times Benedryl is more powerful than most sleep aids. After vacuuming everything, and emptying the vacuum three times, I decided I needed some allergy protection. I slept the sleep of the dead, which was blissfully dream-less.

The super-flea mess has kind of killed any weekend plans I might have had. What are we doing this weekend? Cleaning. The laundry bit shouldn't be that taxing. We might even go crazy and put it away!

It's the vacuuming that will be challenging (As well as bathing the cat). The pup thinks that vacuum is an evil demon come to kill everyone! *insert evil laugh here*. I just have to remember to vacuum when her barking won't disturb everyone.

But I need to take some me time this weekend. to find my balance. That means yoga in the morning. I'm going to hope that my medicated, sleepy pup will leave me alone this time.

I'll let y'all know how the yoga goes.


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Ok, I'm calling a Mulligan on this week!

Earlier this week, I wrote about guilt...

I have more. *headdesk*

Thanks to the Super-fleas, I have a huge dose of pet-momma guilt. I seriously should have seen the fleas before now. So we washed, vacuumed, and bathed the pet. I get to repeat the wash and vacuuming every day for at least a week. What are we dong this weekend? Housework!

Then I get home from the vet and read a blog post by a good friend. She's been struggling through anorexia, bulimia and pill dependency. Well, she tried to commit suicide, was hospitalized and now is being sent into treatment. I'm relieved. And I feel awful that I'm relieved. She needed help, and I knew it would take something drastic.

I'm a little overwhelmed with this. And yes, the coping may involve food.

And hugs

Well, that wasn't what I planned for the evening...

I was supposed to be at my Weight Watchers meeting today... but no, I'm home cleaning.

Why?

Because the pup has some sort of super-flea. Seriously, I gave her Frontline last week! I took a half day and took her to the vet. She has fleas that are now resistant to that. So I have an anti-flea pill, along with Prednisone, anti itch cream and medicated shampoo.

She's had the meds, and I've flea sprayed and vacuumed multiple rooms. Wash has been done. I just need to wash the dog and then make the bed.

On top of all of that, I learned that a friend of mine attempted suicide. I can't process it yet. Ice cream... I need ice cream...

It's 8:30am... and I'm ready for today to be over..

Yesterday, I went to be with a nasty migraine. I thought that today would look brighter. Boy was I wrong.

  • Thanks to the migraine, I'm dizzy. It's like I'm looking at life through a hand held camera. I feel awful.
  • the pup has managed to chew a significant patch out of her butt. Taking a few hours off to go to the vet. She hates the vet.. which means that me feeling unwell is going to make this trip even more fun.
  • My house is a mess. The before mentioned migraine prevented much cleaning yesterday.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Guilt.

There are times I carry around so much guilt, I should be Catholic. (Or so the saying goes...)

Guilt sticks to me, like I'm made of velcro. It always has. I still feel guilty about buying an Aran sweater when I was visiting Inishmore in 1995. (It was a very expensive sweater). When I think back to telling my ex that I wanted a divorce, the memory makes me physically ill with guilt. I still even feel a little guilty about being angry at friends that hurt me, because I should be better than holding onto the anger.

Lately I'm carrying around more than my fare share. I feel guilty that I chose to take care of my own fragile mental state, rather then helping a friend that is dying of cancer. I feel guilty that I never helped him pack, when he moved home to spend his remaining months with family. I feel guilty when I gain weight. I feel guilty when I leave dishes in the sink, and laundry in baskets. I feel guilty about not seeing my family more often, but guilty about spending the money for travel. I have guilt over buying myself one book a month (my allowance of reading materiel for the Nook). Worst of all I feel guilty about having emotions.. feeling upset, angry, depressed.

Luckily all of that guilt flows in and out, staying briefly before flowing away, replaced by another emotion. Like things caught in the tide, it comes and goes.

I guess I need to take up residence at the shore, tossing the guilt that washes up back out to sea.

Tuesday is the new Monday

It's early, and I'm at work. It's feeling very Monday-ish. But it's Tuesday. Holidays always leave you feeling so unsettled.

This weekend was rather low key. We saw X-men: First Class on Monday. I really liked it. But truthfully, James McAvoy can read a phone book and I'd love it.

We also did massive amounts of laundry, but didn't put any away. You can guess what this week's project is.

I'm slowly dealing with the fact that we're going to be in the apartment for quite some time.

But I'm not dealing well with my lack of a professional wardrobe! I know what I'd like to be wearing: tanktops and cardigans are my top of choice (even in the summer. they keep it way to chilly here) and pants or skirts. I have got to pick something up every week (and put clothes in the good will bag every week) so I'll look like I own more than five outfits.

Monday, July 4, 2011

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly: July 4th Edtion

The Good: I cut out, pieced together and sewed a purse today. It's simple, and appropriate for 4 seasons. I need to use more pins next time!! Because velvet is evil. Pictures to come.

The Bad: I got an email about a property I inquired about. I brought it up to the Spousal Equivalent, and he clued me into the honest truth. If I want to move... we need to start saving NOW, so we can move in a year. It hurt so much hearing it, but it's the truth. Hopefully we can move next year. *sigh* Maybe we'll be able to have a house with a yard next fall.

The Ugly: It's been thundering for an hour. The ground was wet when I took the dog out. As much as people are going to see fireworks... I hope it rains. We need it.


Sunday, July 3, 2011

There and Back Again...

I tried reading The Fellowship of the Ring in college. That wasn't a good idea. I was WAY too much other reading to get through such a dense work.

In 2003 the first movie came out. One of my best friends at the time (unfortunately, she cut off all contact. I miss her) is a HUGE Tolkien fan, so we went to see the movie. I think we went four times. It was then that I read the books. I'm not the most literature-minded person, so I ended up liking the movies better.

I spent three, if not more, years with these movies. I made online friends. I wrote (bad) fan fiction. For myself, and others, we spent a significant chunk of time with these characters.

Not being a Tolkien purist, I'm looking forward to the Hobbit. I last read the book as a Junior in High School, so I don't remember much.

I lost my Extended Editions in the divorce, so I spent the day watching the movies on TNT. I sobbed most of my way through Return of the King. It was a good day. Good memories.

Back to business!

Yesterday was a little like freebie day, so I'm calling today the beginning of the weekend. I've already emptied and filled the dishwasher (washing the dirty stuff), and put some pots in the sink to soak. I cleaned off the coffee table, Got the sofa and the cushions in order, and am about to start some wash.

Next is finding my sewing scissors, and getting to work on my sewing project! Well, after setting up the sewing machine and all...

Now where is my sewing basket....?

As for exercising, I'm going to involve the pup in that. Later today I'll take her out for a long walk. I'm hoping to get back to the morning work out routine tomorrow.

And now, to re-arrange my movie collection!

Such a slacker!

Yesterday we decided to take off. I didn't eat well, I didn't do any housework.

Bad me *slaps my hand*

Today I need to get back on the diet, and I need to get cleaning.

I'm also going to work on a sewing project. Pictures may come if I can figure out how to get my pictures off of my phone.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Walking the Walk.

Remember how I said I want to simplify my life, and get rid of all sorts of junk?

I'm getting that done... or trying to.

I got a bright idea! I'd move my DVD collection to binders that I can keep neat on a shelf in the book case. Oh, how neat it will be!

Well, I don't have neat binders and pages, but I have an old zippered binder that held burned CD's. Eureka! The organizing begins!

Tomorrow is a quick trip to the fabric store, and cleaning!

July 4th plans?

I've been asked that a few times. The answer is always no. Then I thought about it..

  • We're going to get some housework done: vacuum, dishes, tidying the living room.
  • I'm going to hit the fabric store. I'm making a purse this weekend.
  • Because of said fabric shopping... I need to do some wash!
  • I have a $10 gift certificate for the Fro-Yo place... maybe I'll go partake!
  • I think we should take the pup back to the park. Which will mean a shower after...
So I guess I DO have plans!

I really don't like doctors sometimes.

Now, I'm overweight. I know it, and I'm working on it. But even I've had issues with doctors that just won't listen. I understand that being overweight will increase my blood pressure, and increase my risk for diabetes... but don't tell me I have to exist on a diet of lean meat and vegetables because I'm going to die soon! I'm not THAT bad!

I've had friends tell me tales of their own doctors. Doctors that refuse to listen, because in their mind everything comes down to weight. Well, yes it does, but are you really going to refuse to treat conditions like pneumonia or a broken leg because the patient needs to lost weight first?

I had a friend that went to doctors for months and months, complaining of stomach and intestinal ailments. The response was always the same: she needed to lose weight. It got worse and they went to a hospital where she was diagnosed with colon cancer and died a few weeks later.

If they listened, she might still be alive.

But then again, do doctors listen to women? I went to the ER once with chest pains, numb hands and light headedness. Symptoms of a heart attack. it ended up being a panic attack.

The doctor then told me that women don't have heart attacks. They have an enzyme in their blood to prevent it.

And the number 1 cause of death in women? Heart attack.